Yesterday was a long and taxing day. I kept notes throughout the day. Tony and I encountered our first visitor at 11:15, and it happened to be a hateful person. A day at the fair just would not be complete without a hateful person, now would it? Here's what happened:
Man: "What is this?"
Me: "Three organizations--The Delaware Gay-Straight Christian Alliance, Equality Ohio a statewide organization, and the Knox County Gay-Straight Alliance--all of which work toward and believe in equality for all people regardless of sexual orientation."
Man: "What does 'gay-straight' mean?" At this point, I could tell the man was hostile by his body language and tone of voice.
Tony: "Both gay and straight people working together equal rights for all people."
Man: "Well, you know where those people belong . . . in a hole."
Tony: "Why do you think that? Are you frightened by gay people?"
Man: "Yes, they don't have to be that way."
The exchange continued, and the man eventually said he wasn't frightened, but mad. He also said at one point that all gay people should be drowned. Ouch.
He also asked Tony, "Which part of the 'gay-straight' are you on?"
Tony: "Straight."
Man: "That's the right side to be on."
The exchange continued. I remained silent. The exchange ended with Tony saying to the man, "Please go. If you want to be hateful, just go." And then he did.
Wow. This exchange really hurt me more than the others, for some reason. Perhaps it is just the exhaustion of this entire endeavor, the cumulative effect of the handful of hateful things we've witnessed. It takes a toll.
Kate was saying yesterday that up until this past week she had believed that even if people thought mean things about us, they would never have the gumption to say those things to our faces. But, we've both learned that it is not the case, sadly enough.
After I wrote all of this down in my notebook yesterday morning right after it all happened, I decided that I needed to let it all go. I give these hateful people power when I engage them or allow myself to get caught up in what happened. If I can let it go, then they no longer have any power over me. Just wish it was that easy to do.
During the next few hours, Tony and I had a number of visitors to the booth, ranging from individuals simply looking for literature to folks who engaged us in meaningful conversations. One woman walked by, read the DGSCA sign and gave us a thumbs up. The deputy sheriff came by again (he stopped by earlier this week) and asked for another Soulforce pamphlet. The publication called "What the bible really says, and doesn't say, about homosexuality" is written by Mel White who was one of Jerry Falwell's speech writers until he came out as gay. This has, by far, been our most popular piece of literature. I have added a link to a .pdf of the booklet on our Knox County GSA website: http://www.knoxgsa.org-a.googlepages.com/downloadablematerials
Here are some of the things people said to us throughout the afternoon:
"My brother-in-law- lives in Indiana. He's a lawyer and for the longest time was afraid to be out at work. But now he is in a higher position and is out, but he was afraid for a long time."
"My good friend is bi, and I had lots of friends in high school that are gay. I knew it before some of them did!"
"This is cool. I've got two moms."
During the one o'clock hour, a man came up to the table and said in a combative tone, "What's this 'gay-straight' about? I heard you're here and wanted to know what this is all about. Tell me quickly." So I gave him a brief explanation, something along the lines of "basically straight and gay people who believe in equality for all people." he asked us if we promote homosexuality and we said no, we promote equal treatment for all. The conversation continued for a few minutes. The guy finally left and said, "I have to get going otherwise someone might think I'm gay. . . . Just kidding . . ." I think he was only half kidding.
Before Tony left around 2:30, we both had marveled at the looks of cognitive dissonance in the eyes of many passers by. I worked the booth by myself until Scott came by a little after 3:00. He witnessed quite a bit during his first hour at the booth. One boy called him a fag, which is interesting particularly because Scott is straight. Another teenage boy approached the table and asked, "Have you seen two lesbians have sex? Because I think it is hot." We said nothing. He persisted, "Have you? I really want to know." Some of these kids have a lot of growing up to do. Another teenage boy, a cowboy in training it seems, approached the table, spit on the ground, and asked "What's this all about?" When we told him, he shook his head and went back to his friends.
A few other folks stopped by, and we had encounters that were much more positive. But, by the time 9:00 pm rolled around, I was definitely ready to go home! We have just one more day at the fair--today--and it will be a long one. We cannot close our booth until after 11:00 pm so it is a good thing we were able to sleep in longer than normal this morning.
I took a short break last night, and evidently we had some more interesting visitors while I was gone. Kate took notes, and I imagine she will add her experiences to this blog soon.
Thanks again to all who have helped and visited us during the day. Kim joined us for a while in the evening, and it always makes such a difference to have supportive friends to help pass the time.
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2 comments:
The very combative must be the most difficult to deal with. It's often jarring for me to be reintroduced to the ideologies of certain members or factions of the community, like a brick through a plate-glass ego. It's easy to forget how other people think, insulate ourselves, and even easy to assume that the legislation that's important to me is common knowledge. I've even been surprised to find out that some people hadn't heard the news that Massachusetts and California have been allowing gays and lesbians to get married, and further that the end times have not befallen those poor states for doing so.
I'm so happy you've been participating at the fair and that a simple visible presence in the community has given residents the signal that some residents of this county are gay. At the same time it sounds as if you've been able to at the very least coax some into thinking about an issue that otherwise wouldn't interest them, or at the most you've been able to educate in the limited time you have with each person.
So if it hasn't been said enough, thank you for making a presence known and educating where possible.
I just wish everyone who has hateful attitudes would realize what tremendously wonderful, kind, intelligent, contributing women you are. If they knew you like I do, especially Victoria, growing up and all the joy you've brought into our lives, it would impossible for hate to exist. As a mom, hearing the hateful comments pierces my heart. It is not easy to know those types of comments are being made, especially about people I love. I like your comment, Kate, on discovering not hating those who hate; and your perspective, Victoria, on letting it go. I am working on that.
Once again, I think the effort you and your friends have been giving is very worthwhile. I agree with you, Kate, that it is one important step in changing attitudes.
Now you must treat yourselves to something wonderful as a reward for your hard work this week.
Take care of each other.
Love,
Mom
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